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Like this: Like Loading Let us know what you think! Cancel reply. Use the questions below as a guideline—or opt for one if the conversation lulls a bit. Sometimes nerves play a big part in struggling conversations, so think of these questions like an study guide for when you need a little help. If you had to pick your top three favorite musical artists, who would they be? Have you gotten to travel much in your life? What was your favorite book growing up?

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Posted May 4, Reviewed by Devon Frye. Research has shown that the most effective communication style in relationships is a flexible one. The examples below are intended to stimulate your own ideas, rather than be interpreted as rules. The key goals of a first date are to:. Humans are wired so that once we start to develop an emotional attachment , it's hard to break away from it. Why: Different vacation preferences or amounts of vacation time can be a major source of ongoing incompatibility—for example, if one person likes to take very long trips and the other person has a more standard idea or amount of vacation time.

Why: This question helps establish if your date has a positive or negative attitude. If asking this question leads to five solid minutes of them complaining, it's possible that the person tends to see the glass as half empty. Why: If one of you doesn't like pets and the other has three dogs, that's likely to be a problem.

Why: This helps you find out the person's preferences. It may also help you establish if the person has any free time in the first place, or if they're a workaholic. Why: Does the person have strong feelings? Or are they more easygoing, tending to have milder feelings about most things? Why: Is the person about to make any major life changes—for example, leave their job to go back to school? What's their attitude to their work?

Do they see it as a calling, a vocation, or are they primarily motivated by climbing the career ladder? Why: This is primarily relevant if you're either an extreme night or an extreme morning person. On a first date, go for a friendly rather than intimate tone when asking this question.

Why: This shows you're considerate of other people's comfort. Why: Whether they still live with their parents or they live with 10 roommates, their answer will tell you something about how they like to live. Why: Are they very involved with their family of origin? Is this something that appeals to you or not? Is their family intrusive? Do they have a lot of family conflict? Why: This helps you plan future dates, but may also give you an opportunity to choose not to pursue dating someone who has very incompatible food preferences from you.

Why: If there's something you're really passionate about—gaming, for example—do they respect it? On top of that, it can indicate whether they're someone who tends to reflect on experiences and can talk about their thoughts. What are your thoughts about the upcoming election any upcoming election? Why: The main point here is not to jump to assumptions about your date's politics. If you jump to an assumption that they have the same politics as you, they might feel too awkward to say that their politics are different.

The answers to the above questions aren't necessarily deal breakers. However, it's good to know what you're getting yourself in for before you start to get attached to someone. Alice Boyes, Ph. But who we end up becoming and how much we like that person are more in our control than we tend to think they are. Alice Boyes Ph. In Practice. Posted May 4, Reviewed by Devon Frye Share.

Key points Asking someone, "How was your day? The question "Do you like your job? Being too careful in one's communication on a first date could backfire in some cases because no one can completely control how someone responds. About the Author. Online: Subscribe to my blog updates. Read Next. Back Psychology Today. Back Find a Therapist. Get Help Find a Therapist Find a Treatment Center Find a Psychiatrist Find a Support Group Find Teletherapy Members Login Sign Up United States Austin, TX Brooklyn, NY Chicago, IL Denver, CO Houston, TX Los Angeles, CA New York, NY Portland, OR San Diego, CA San Francisco, CA Seattle, WA Washington, DC.

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But one thing is for sure, dating someone you barely know can be awkward and nerve racking. What to Ask on a First Date - What Do You Call Home? This question brings up a laid-back debate about what you both consider to be the perfect topping. We may earn a commission if you buy through our link. How somebody likes to spend their time is also an important factor in whether you and this person have relationship potential. How did you two meet? Would you rather enjoy a pool or a hot tub with me?

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